Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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