I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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