Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
