closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
