I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Never joke about your clitoris.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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