Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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