that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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