I bet he comes in French.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
