Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
