u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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