I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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