i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
