so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
