That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
