I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
