I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
