People in love make me want to vomit
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
