So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
