We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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