I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i think i have two assholes
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
