Got a toothbrush?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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