Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
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