I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
