I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Be still, my beating vagina.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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