bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
