can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
