once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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