I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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