Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
