Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
