I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
