I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
