I wish I only lived at night.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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