Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
