You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
