New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
