please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
