she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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