Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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