If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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