Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
