one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
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