Girls should come with a carfax report
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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