And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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