Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
