So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
