If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
