VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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