The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
