My hair reeks of homosexuality.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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