Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
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