You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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