the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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