no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
two words...techno handjob
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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