FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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